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Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 10:46 am
by Francis
Hello Guys how to you deal with your wife for buying new pinball.
I bought all my collection before I met my wife. Since then I was unable to buy a single pinball.
Everything is more important than buying pinball; replacing the perfectly working washing machine, new table, new couch etc.
I thing I need to be a billionaire to cover all the priority before buying pinball!
I need your tricks!

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 11:33 am
by Azatotht
Francis, you need a budget !

Can't talk for others but I do have a hobby budget myself. Keeping x amount on every pay check and putting it in a separate account.

It's not only for pinball, it is more a 'useless toys' budget :mrgreen:

Bought an Apple watch and a gaming pc with it last year and I've just bought an Oculus Rift S too.

The key is being patient. Don't rush it, put money aside and buy only once you have it (no credit for toys is the way to go).

Good luck !
Cheers !

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 11:44 am
by djodars
I hear a lot of people asking this question and it always bothers me so here's how we deal with money in our couple :

Everything that requires monthly payments and is shared (house, food, internet, etc. ) is based on a percentage of our yearly salary. (e.g. I earn 100k, she earns 50k, therefore I pay 2/3 of the total cost).

Everything that is tied to activities (golf, movie theater, restaurants, etc.) is 50/50.

For needs outside of that, like buying a car or washing machine, or for projects like vacations, we discuss it and split it as we can.

We each have our own financial advisors for our investments, retirement plans, etc.

Basically everything else is free game. Your money, do whatever you want with it.

So imo, you want a pinball machine, go nuts baby!

Edit: I might have misread a part of the question regarding priorities but the key is discussion and budgeting towards your goals.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 11:47 am
by tom_454
Not sure there is any one answer here. It really does depend on your wife.

My secret was to allow my wife to see how happy "the hobby" made me. This wasn't an orchestrated plan it just organically evolved over the years. I didn't own a single pin when we got together. My first pin purchase was a spontaneous ebay purchase for $600. She never batted an eye but thought it was kind of silly. Then she got to see how it kept me "out-of-trouble" (aka out-of-her-hair when she was reading). Over time this evolved to 3 pins (they were easy to find in the $1,500 - $2k range back then). Then one particular evening I saw my grail pin come up for sale on MAACA - a HUO LOTR for a crazy price of $4k - which was a couple hundred more than most people would have valued it at the time but they were extremely sought after. Supply/Demand. I charged into the living room where she was quietly reading a book and she could see the look on my face and asked "What did you find that you want to buy now?" I responded with a question of my own, "What would it take for us to agree that i could spend $4k on a LOTR pinball machine?" (She was also a big fan of the books.) She hesitated for about 5 seconds and promptly replied with "A trip by myself to the Dominican Republic!" We had a 7 year old at the time - so a week alone without any responsibilities was an awesome treat for her. I said "Deal!" We smiled and she said "Go buy it!"

After the initial shock and I had picked it up a few weeks later, I asked her what it was that made her agree. To which she replied, "It was the look of joy on your face when you asked?" She had seen me enjoying the hobby over the years. I enjoy it but don't let it get in the way of getting household chores/jobs done. I also volunteer a lot in the community so the hobby was an escape for me (I enjoy working on them as much as I do playing.) My wife recognizes that.

We also came to an agreement years ago that we would discuss all major household spending (but none of the smaller items). We always have. She loves beach vacations (salt water and sand between her toes) and every second year she goes down south either alone or with a close friend. Both her love of beaches and my passion for pinball are in reality frivolous ways to pass time and aren't required for our survival. We both mutually recognize that happiness is important and these things are one more thing that elevate our happiness.

In the early days, we had both agreed that 4 pins would be the household limit. Then one day she woke up and said "How did we end up with 11 pinball machines in our house?" I just smiled. Now she was not happy when the 12th arrived (I pressured her a little) as space was becoming an issue - I agreed with that assessment and eventually it went down to 11 again (I think - I'll have to re-count when I get home tonight).

I am sure her understanding in having that much money tied-up in entertainment devices is helped by the fact that they have appreciated in value. If they depreciated like a car - even I would be less happy and have fewer machines.

I think it ultimately boils down to trusting your partner and you need to discuss with each other the "little" things that are important to each other. Those little things add up.

On the other hand, if anyone is buying pins left-right-and center with a massive line-of-credit then ... well just try not to.

Let her see your happiness (might take time so be patient). Good luck.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:32 pm
by cap
We discuss any large purchase together, so I tell her about the pins I want to buy and she has to agree.
I convinced her I would not lose money and we could always resell them quickly if in a pinch.
I bought a few pins that were cheaper but needed work.
She sees the original price tag but not the incremental cost of repair.
Once the collection is established, you can trade without spending a lot of money.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:46 pm
by R.A.B.
I was wondering if anyone would answer Francis on how to work out a deal with his wife vis à vis his pinball machine passion. I quietly thought to myself that I would write something funny if no one dared reply. Some of your wives I am sure read, or have read this forum so this can be a well visited topic.

All partnerships and joint ventures alike require necogiation as you all probably know. It is tough when the opposite party decides on the outcome before the necogiations even start, this happens often. When two become one who is the one to become ? Damn, good question.

I can necogciate when I have to, and avoid it like the plague when I can permit myself that luxury. I guess I am spoiled by my independance. I just find that it is better to decide stuff on my own and do whatever I enjoy as long as it doesn't impede on my close ones' freedom or happiness, or hurts them knowingly. Bottom line, don't do things that you know will piss off your partner(s) when you are doing what makes you happy, but do find a way to be happy, it is so damn important to well being.

There is alot to this topic, I will edit this post tonight when I get home after my supper date.

EDIT COMPLETE :

I was wondering if anyone would address Francis' issue on how to work out a deal with his wife vis à vis his pinball machine passion. I quietly thought to myself that I would write something funny if no one dared reply. I am glad so many have responded with very intelligent suggestions and comments, so I will refrain from being humorous and try to address this seriously to the best of my abilities. I am sure that some of your wives have read this forum at one time or another and got bored. Maybe you don't know this, or think she hasn't, she has. Just don't be naive even if she says she's not interested in reading the posts of afflicted men. This post will be a well visited topic i am sure. I however have nothing to lose in writing what I think since I have been spoiled by independence since I started collecting and even after I stopped and finally came to my senses.

All partnerships and joint ventures alike require negotiation as I am sure you are all well aware of. It is tough when the opposite party decides on the outcome of the negotiating session before it even begins, this happens often.

From a Peter Gabriel song “When two become one, who is the one to become ?” Damn, good question. There always seems to be an inequality to a couple, and dare I say that I think this is OK and normal, but often embarrassing to be around when you are listening to them exchange manipulations. This is because the relationship is talking, not the individuals. Both parties hopefully find their place within that third entity which is created when two become one. That third entity is the relationship itself. It has a life of its own and that is why it is difficult to be around, it's like having a child that doesn't physically manifest itself, so it can be tough to manage, let alone follow or understand.


Here are the three basic points of contention as I see them :

SPACE/TERRITORY - don't put these things anywhere beyond the agreed upon designated space in the homestead, stay in the garage or the cave i.e. basement, remember your wife will be above you when you are downstairs. Move it on over to another building if you can, a shed, a tennis court, a separate garage or at best a workshop warehouse.

TIME/ATTENTION – if they (i.e. pinballs) take attention and time away from your wife and the duplication stemming from the invisible kid (i.e. your relationship), you will definitely be in trouble. But because you are a tool, you won't know there is anything wrong until its too late. She will wait for the right moment to spill the beans of her disenchantment, you won't see it coming because she is smarter than you in this instance.

MONEY/RESOURCES – make your own money and use the resources you gather after everyone else is provided for. This can be tricky, because if you manage to produce new resources and she finds out about them, she will expect these “found” monies to be used for the family unit, not your herd of machines which you have managed to lasso in this pricey marketplace. She is building a herd as well, and it ain't the same as yours and this is where there can be trouble. She may want to take the family unit to Disneyland and you may want to fix and play pinball alone and enjoy some personal time away from the noise of the world. You may not want to give away the new resources you have worked for to a corporate mouse. OH, good times !!

A separate building for your pinball collection is a great solution if you can afford it. Use your money and keep the pins out of the way of your wife's house, and don't kid yourself, it is most certainly her house not yours as long as you are under the same roof, and likely even when the gig is over. You are mostly just a tool. And being a tool means that you are useful to her and she needs to keep you around under certain conditions, cause you can fix stuff and make her duplicate if and when she decides she wants to. That is what most couples do, they duplicate themselves via the female so this repetitive story can go on to whatever end we know nothing about. (I really didn't mean to write anything funny when I started, honest)

So you have to conciliate, and the rules of logic will not apply. Emotions will come into it and it may go to hell in a hand basket in under a minute and a half. Step back, say yes for a while and appeal to her importance. If she believes and you believe she is extraordinary and unique and the most important person in your world you will be OK, and remember you are still a tool and will remain one regardless.

I can negotiate when I have to, and avoid it like the plague when I can permit myself that luxury. It is a troublesome practice when you get happy and set in your ways without being mean. Again, I guess I am spoiled by my independence at 56, so I may not be the best person to give advice on this touchy topic, but I can certainly give my opinion. Since I am somewhat of an exacting and difficult bedfellow, I just find that it is better to decide stuff on my own and do whatever I enjoy as long as it doesn't impede on my close ones' freedom or happiness or hurts them knowingly. Know thyself, most important two words ever uttered by a guy who fell in a well long ago. When responsibilities are met, you should be free, that is existential theory and Sparky expressed this well in his post. Bottom line, don't do things that you know will piss off your partner(s) when you are doing what makes you happy, but do find your thoughtful way to be happy, it is so damn important to the well being of whichever herd you tend to.


R.A.B.

For our English readers the youtube clip below may be a little hard to absorb. Mais je suis certain que les membres Francophone vont apprécier les paroles. Commencer a l'index 4:25 pour ceux qui sont impatient pour les paroles. Trouvez vous que Plume resemble a Michel Pigeon des fois dans le video ? :D Index 7:17 - Tabarnac !!


Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 1:33 pm
by DrDude
tom_454 wrote:On the other hand, if anyone is buying pins left-right-and center with a massive line-of-credit then ... well just try not to.

Let her see your happiness (might take time so be patient). Good luck.

Those two lines capture it for me. First, the hobby is largely expense-neutral, since over time I have been able to sell enough fixed-up corpses for profit (on my free labour!) to basically pay for the pins I've kept (though obviously, the hobby is not space-neutral!) . Second, if you truly enjoy the hobby, and your partner is indeed your partner, then they will support you in pursuing it (until the inevitable "pinball in the dinning room" moment, at which point you likely have crossed the line!)

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 2:52 pm
by EVH
Maybe I am alone here but I have never asked permission. I just say I am going to pick up a game tomorrow and that is it. I did this from day #1 and it has never been an issue. I guess I have a very understanding wife.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 2:56 pm
by Sparky
I will limit it by transcribing a conversation between my mother and my wife when Marie complained that I did too much pinball.

Mom: "Is he getting drunk every night?"
Wife: "No, he barely drinks at all."

M: "Is he fucking around?"
W: "No."

M: "Are the bills paid?"
W: "Yes..."

M: "When he works on pinballs, and you call him, does he come to see you?"
W: "Yes..."

M: "Does he take care of you and the kids?"
W: "Yes, he is a great husband and father..."

M: "Does he take care of things in the house when they need fixing?"
W: "Yes, he cleans and cooks as well..."

M: "Did he ever hit you or treat you bad?"
W: "Not at all..."

M: "Then, what the fuck is the problem?"

My wife now knows that fairy tales are for goddamn Disney movies. We all tend to forget how good things are sometimes... and how to accept your significant other with all their quirks, even the ones you might think are bad but really are insignificant in the end.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 4:13 pm
by cap
Francis, are you saying she will not let you add to your collection, or she will not let you trade anything?

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:02 pm
by WARLOCK
A friend recently reminded me that if I "fail to state" my place in the pack, I am the runt...

In contrast, in this particular unique hobby alone, I remind my wife that she owns 1/2 of everything I own...

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:03 pm
by WARLOCK
Azatotht wrote:Francis, you need a budget !

Can't talk for others but I do have a hobby budget myself. Keeping x amount on every pay check and putting it in a separate account.

It's not only for pinball, it is more a 'useless toys' budget :mrgreen:

Bought an Apple watch and a gaming pc with it last year and I've just bought an Oculus Rift S too.

The key is being patient. Don't rush it, put money aside and buy only once you have it (no credit for toys is the way to go).

Good luck !
Cheers !


Well said my friend. I regularly run this advice you have stated through my mind.
I am not great at following it, but it is sound and sage advice that I have always respected about you my friend.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:05 pm
by WARLOCK
djodars wrote:I hear a lot of people asking this question and it always bothers me so here's how we deal with money in our couple :

Everything that requires monthly payments and is shared (house, food, internet, etc. ) is based on a percentage of our yearly salary. (e.g. I earn 100k, she earns 50k, therefore I pay 2/3 of the total cost).

Everything that is tied to activities (golf, movie theater, restaurants, etc.) is 50/50.

For needs outside of that, like buying a car or washing machine, or for projects like vacations, we discuss it and split it as we can.

We each have our own financial advisors for our investments, retirement plans, etc.

Basically everything else is free game. Your money, do whatever you want with it.

So imo, you want a pinball machine, go nuts baby!

Edit: I might have misread a part of the question regarding priorities but the key is discussion and budgeting towards your goals.


Very well said Jonathan. I like you already.
Looking forward to meeting you in Hawkesbury.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:07 pm
by WARLOCK
tom_454 wrote:Not sure there is any one answer here. It really does depend on your wife.

My secret was to allow my wife to see how happy "the hobby" made me. This wasn't an orchestrated plan it just organically evolved over the years. I didn't own a single pin when we got together. My first pin purchase was a spontaneous ebay purchase for $600. She never batted an eye but thought it was kind of silly. Then she got to see how it kept me "out-of-trouble" (aka out-of-her-hair when she was reading). Over time this evolved to 3 pins (they were easy to find in the $1,500 - $2k range back then). Then one particular evening I saw my grail pin come up for sale on MAACA - a HUO LOTR for a crazy price of $4k - which was a couple hundred more than most people would have valued it at the time but they were extremely sought after. Supply/Demand. I charged into the living room where she was quietly reading a book and she could see the look on my face and asked "What did you find that you want to buy now?" I responded with a question of my own, "What would it take for us to agree that i could spend $4k on a LOTR pinball machine?" (She was also a big fan of the books.) She hesitated for about 5 seconds and promptly replied with "A trip by myself to the Dominican Republic!" We had a 7 year old at the time - so a week alone without any responsibilities was an awesome treat for her. I said "Deal!" We smiled and she said "Go buy it!"

After the initial shock and I had picked it up a few weeks later, I asked her what it was that made her agree. To which she replied, "It was the look of joy on your face when you asked?" She had seen me enjoying the hobby over the years. I enjoy it but don't let it get in the way of getting household chores/jobs done. I also volunteer a lot in the community so the hobby was an escape for me (I enjoy working on them as much as I do playing.) My wife recognizes that.

We also came to an agreement years ago that we would discuss all major household spending (but none of the smaller items). We always have. She loves beach vacations (salt water and sand between her toes) and every second year she goes down south either alone or with a close friend. Both her love of beaches and my passion for pinball are in reality frivolous ways to pass time and aren't required for our survival. We both mutually recognize that happiness is important and these things are one more thing that elevate our happiness.

In the early days, we had both agreed that 4 pins would be the household limit. Then one day she woke up and said "How did we end up with 11 pinball machines in our house?" I just smiled. Now she was not happy when the 12th arrived (I pressured her a little) as space was becoming an issue - I agreed with that assessment and eventually it went down to 11 again (I think - I'll have to re-count when I get home tonight).

I am sure her understanding in having that much money tied-up in entertainment devices is helped by the fact that they have appreciated in value. If they depreciated like a car - even I would be less happy and have fewer machines.

I think it ultimately boils down to trusting your partner and you need to discuss with each other the "little" things that are important to each other. Those little things add up.

On the other hand, if anyone is buying pins left-right-and center with a massive line-of-credit then ... well just try not to.

Let her see your happiness (might take time so be patient). Good luck.


I admire your words and acknowledge how much more there is to learn about relationships.
Thank you for this post. It helps more than you know.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:09 pm
by WARLOCK
cap wrote:We discuss any large purchase together, so I tell her about the pins I want to buy and she has to agree.
I convinced her I would not lose money and we could always resell them quickly if in a pinch.
I bought a few pins that were cheaper but needed work.
She sees the original price tag but not the incremental cost of repair.
Once the collection is established, you can trade without spending a lot of money.


This is such a unique anomaly to our hobby, but has been true up until recently.
I have used this same argument years ago, with success. The future may change.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:11 pm
by WARLOCK
R.A.B. wrote:I was wondering if anyone would answer Francis on how to work out a deal with his wife vis à vis his pinball machine passion. I quietly thought to myself that I would write something funny if no one dared reply. Some of your wives I am sure read, or have read this forum so this can be a well visited topic.

All partnerships and joint ventures alike require necogiation as you all probably know. It is tough when the opposite party decides on the outcome before the necogiations even start, this happens often. When two become one who is the one to become ? Damn, good question.

I can necogciate when I have to, and avoid it like the plague when I can permit myself that luxury. I guess I am spoiled by my independance. I just find that it is better to decide stuff on my own and do whatever I enjoy as long as it doesn't impede on my close ones' freedom or happiness, or hurts them knowingly. Bottom line, don't do things that you know will piss off your partner(s) when you are doing what makes you happy, but do find a way to be happy, it is so damn important to well being.

There is alot to this topic, I will edit this post tonight when I get home after my supper date.


I am simply quoting this to preserve your "rough edit" post. We are of course:

Born of the same path.
Born of similar desires
Wants and needs are.
Let's see the edit bro.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:18 pm
by WARLOCK
DrDude wrote:
tom_454 wrote:On the other hand, if anyone is buying pins left-right-and center with a massive line-of-credit then ... well just try not to.

Let her see your happiness (might take time so be patient). Good luck.

Those two lines capture it for me. First, the hobby is largely expense-neutral, since over time I have been able to sell enough fixed-up caucuses for profit (on my free labour!) to basically pay for the pins I've kept (though obviously, the hobby is not space-neutral!) . Second, if you truly enjoy the hobby, and your partner is indeed your partner, then they will support you in pursuing it (until the inevitable "pinball in the dinning room" moment, at which point you likely have crossed the line!)


Agreed. Agreed.
Just be cautious.

The landscape has changed.
And it will change once again.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:19 pm
by WARLOCK
EVH wrote:Maybe I am alone here but I have never asked permission. I just say I am going to pick up a game tomorrow and that is it. I did this from day #1 and it has never been an issue. I guess I have a very understanding wife.


Here, Here...

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:19 pm
by WARLOCK
Sparky wrote:I will limit it by transcribing a conversation between my mother and my wife when Marie complained that I did too much pinball.

Mom: "Is he getting drunk every night?"
Wife: "No, he barely drinks at all."

M: "Is he fucking around?"
W: "No."

M: "Are the bills paid?"
W: "Yes..."

M: "When he works on pinballs, and you call him, does he come to see you?"
W: "Yes..."

M: "Does he take care of you and the kids?"
W: "Yes, he is a great husband and father..."

M: "Does he take care of things in the house when they need fixing?"
W: "Yes, he cleans and cooks as well..."

M: "Did he ever hit you or treat you bad?"
W: "Not at all..."

M: "Then, what the fuck is the problem?"

My wife now knows that fairy tales are for goddamn Disney movies. We all tend to forget how good things are sometimes... and how to accept your significant other with all their quirks, even the ones you might think are bad but really are insignificant in the end.


We are all Stardust...
Some of us are the good stuff...

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:20 pm
by WARLOCK
cap wrote:Francis, are you saying she will not let you add to your collection, or she will not let you trade anything?


Back to the program...

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 6:22 pm
by jojob
the solution is everyone's bank account.is she asking you permission to go to the restaurant or other? a joint account is the worst thing.my wife spend about 40$ per week in restaurant,not me.its 2080$ per years ...if i put this money in my hobby,wheres the problem...?

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 7:53 pm
by uberhare
Buy the pinball, hide it at a friends place for a few weeks until you get the balls the drag it home. Don't ask questions, just ask for forgiveness later :)

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 8:01 pm
by R.A.B.
WARLOCK wrote:Let's see the edit bro.


Done.

"Look up, waaay up, and I'll call Rusty." Opening quote from the Friendly Giant.

Then the (un)friendly giant actor was rumoured to say off camera - "Jerome the Giraffe, take Rusty down and away to Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Rusty was a rooster, see any parallels with this great thread. :lol:

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 8:32 pm
by pinhead
uberhare wrote:Buy the pinball, hide it at a friends place for a few weeks until you get the balls the drag it home. Don't ask questions, just ask for forgiveness later :)

Better yet, tell her that you are borrowing it from a friend. I know a guy that used to tell his wife that the games were mine, I won't mention any names, LOL.

Re: Dealing with the wife

Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 8:46 pm
by shane
Fantastic thread.
As a married man of 21 years all I can say is my wife is fantastic.
She tolerates 2 or three pins in the dining room of a tiny house. Nuff said.
( i bought her a motorcycle ) :roll: